Excuse Me While I Bang My Head On The Wall

So if you had me on facebook you may have noticed my dissappearance. This is for two reasons. Drama and lack of time. I really don’t have much time for it and I was spending too much time on it. But the straw that broke the camels back was family drama.

Apparently some family is angry with me that I got angry that my plans in September might have been disrupted. I made an angry outburst. I can’t take it back. I have apologized if I inadvertently hurt anyone. At the time of my outburst there were alot of things that my husband had not shared with me and I didn’t have a whole picture like I had thought.  However, it’s angering me (again) that it seems like I am not permitted to ever be upset. And it’s coming across as kinda hypocritical at the same time. Let me explain.

My husband hasn’t been ignoring the issue of getting his brother to sea. No, actually it’s been that he hasn’t been able to coordinate a time to do it and he was getting very frustrated that his brothers wishes aren’t being met. The reason why it hasn’t been done yet is because the plans have “interfered” with his sister’s plans. She has stated she can’t do it at all in August because of things they have going on (remember, they have to drive 9+hrs to go to sea). So here is what is ticking me off. We have plans but nothing that can’t be worked around. Even Scarefest can be sacrificed to a degree (I have to go cause tickets are in my name and other people are attending, they can’t get in without me). I have made it amazingly clear that despite my hurt feelings and angry outburst, the ultimate factor is that it must get done. Kyle and I have been willing to work with it…it’s just other people aren’t finding a very convenient time to do so. And that is what is now angering me that people are upset with me.

Kyle has made the decision to hand everything over to his sister, let her plan it and he isn’t going if she goes right before Scarefest. I have asked him a zillion times if he is sure…I can handle going alone…blah blah blah. But he has stated repeatedly that (1) he isn’t angry with me, he understood where I was coming from (2) he wants to be at Scarefest and (3) he has said his goodbyes to his bro when he was with him at the hospital holding his hand as he passed. But now I am being looked upon as the person who convinced Kyle to not go. I really feel like I am stuck in a catch 22. And Kyle being the passive “don’t worry about it, they will get over it” kinda guy…I don’t have someone saying anything in my defense. So it kinda ticks me off. I understand he is trying to avoid anymore drama but I don’t like the position I am in and I need some help. Ya know?

So I don’t know what it is I am supposed to do. I can only apologize so much, ya know? And I can’t help that I am anal retentive about planning things and getting crap done. His family is very “we will get it done whenever” kinda people. So I am struggling with the fact that it’s almost as if Sean doesn’t matter….unless someone gets upset. Am I talking myself into circles yet?

All I know is, my husband better make sure my ashes are not sitting in a morgue for 2+ months.


~ by alegna75 on July 29, 2009.

4 Responses to “Excuse Me While I Bang My Head On The Wall”

  1. Your frustration is understandable and something as important as following through with a loved ones wishes shouldn’t be placed on the back burner time and time again. I hope you are able to voice how you feel with the family and they understand so that you can go to scarefest not feeling stressed that they are thinking terribly about you.


  2. yeah, i get where kyle is coming from, but i still think he should defend you.

  3. I just noticed tonight that you were not on Facebook. I was worried.I just don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry how death causes family problems.

    • It’s ok. Just raw emotions coming through is all. It has been worked out and dealt with and all is well. Just one of those things that have to be worked through, ya know?

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