Moms Need To Unite

I am finding mothers to be some of the most judgmental of people out there. I have to say that I would rather run into a fundamentalist than a mom who thinks her way is the only way…really, I do. And it makes me so sad to see women behave like this. As mothers we should be so supportive of each other. We are never going to agree on every aspect of raising kids but hell we need someone…and who better than another mom? Or at least, in theory.

Most recently I got so very angry (yet again) with someone in a mom’s network I was a part of. This person was ranting about a woman who “beat” her 13 month old in the dressing room of an Old Navy. She went on about how sick it made her (so far I had not had an issue). Then she went on this rampage about how anti-spanking she is and how the group (it’s a local site) should make a rule for all future playdates that you cannot spank your child.

Problem #1 – What the woman did, if it was as exactly as she described, was NOT spanking. I am a spanker, when properly used it doesn’t need to be very often and no more than 2 pops to the rear. I have no issues with anyone who is a non-spanker. My issue lies in the automatic assumption that it’s beating and it’s always the situation where someone IS beating (not spanking) a child that is used to fuel their fire. The other problem is that the same thought process is…it doesn’t matter what anyone else says they are going to equate any remote pop on the ass as a beating and they are too close minded to at least hear someone out and say “I see your point. I still won’t do it, but I see your point”

Problem #2 – Now pardon me here because this is where I get passionate and may lose my temper. This woman who heard the “beating” did nothing. Ok seriously, if you are somewhere and you hear something that sounds like a child being beat..wtf are you doing by NOT doing something? Ok now she did say she informed the manager but she left because “it sickened her”. Not once did she try and talk to the mother…offer to help her out. How many moms out there get frustrated? We have NO IDEA what was going on with that woman that day. For all we know she is suffering from a mental disorder, going through a painful divorce that has her nerves shot, lost someone who was close to her. NO, instead this judgmental bitch gets online to bitch about her instead of trying to SOLVE the problem. You know those moms we hear about that kill their kids? I would almost guarantee that those people had shown signs well before they did it and everyone ignored them because they didn’t want to interfere.  Would this judgemental bitch feel worse if she found out that the child died later on?? I mean if it was me I would feel like I had contributed to the death because I could have been the one to reach out to that mom and help her. Moms are not fucking perfect, I don’t care if someone wants to project themselves as someone who knows what is best for everyone else…it doesn’t mean jack shit if your not willing to talk and get to know a struggling mom and offer your help. I know that there are people out there that don’t want help. But I also know it’s all about presentation. Walk up  to a frustrated mom and tell her to knock it off or you will call authorities won’t sit well. Walk up to a frustrated mom and say “I know, I been there. How can I help?” will get a much better response. I can’t count the number of times I wish people had just talked to me instead of stared or gave me ugly looks.

Prolem #3 I know people need to vent (hellI am doing it now) but to go online and start demanding that rules change, when there had yet to be a problem, is an insult. And when your most angry is not the time to do it. I read about this and blew up yesterday, I purposely waited until today to write this blog post because I knew it wouldn’t be nearly as objective. Hell I probably wouldn’t have sounded remotely intelligents. And it goes back to the image of spanking. This person automatically assumes that (1) a person would spank or beat their child in front of  the other kids and (2) that a person would spank or beat their child at a playdate. I personally have opted to take my child to a seperate place away from whatever is going on to pop their rear. I know some people who wait until they get home. But it’s that narrow-minded thinking again…they go to the extreme in their head and imagine the crazy mom whipping the kid up by one arm and just wailing on whatever part they can land on.

I have left the group. I should have left back when they were rallying around that lying bitch who decided to gain her 5 minutes of fame by protesting Denny’s. That is when I sat there and realized that I couldn’t relate to these women at all. I am completely done with mom networks and mom groups. I am too tired of the judgemental bullshit.I am tired of people thinking they got all the answers and everyone else is dead wrong (children can not be raised the same, they are all much too different). It does nothing to make for a better world and I got better things to do with my time then to sit around and discuss what’s wrong with the world or society and then wait for everyone else to “fix” it.

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~ by alegna75 on June 9, 2009.

4 Responses to “Moms Need To Unite”

  1. #1: if some lady really thinks two pops on the ass is a “beating”, she should meet my dad. seriously.

    #2: what this really all comes down to is that your bitchy group is so insecure in their own roles as mothers that they must band against something or someone else to insulate themselves from criticism, whether internal or external.

    #3: for the life of me, i will never understand why women have such a damn hard time reaching out to and sticking up for one another. i have been as guilty as the next person of being catty. seriously, though, who can look someone in the eye who is truly on the edge and not speak softly and offer to help?! we know what it feels like, and yet? we through one another to the wolves, and kick each other when we’re down. WHY?!

    #4: physical dominance/correction is present in the animal kingdom. why? because some situations, some lessons, some circumstance require a show of physical force or dominance. either because there is danger around or because the transgression is not a misunderstanding or an accident, or a lack of self control, but a challenge to the leader’s authority and will. this means that a couple pops in the ass or on the hand are sometimes the only appropriate response, in my opinion.

    #5: i believe very strongly in correcting in private and never in public. my mom loved to pull one of the muscles in my arm away from the bone and ask me in a hiss of a whisper “do we need to go to the ladies’ room?” (read: i do i need to fucking beat your ass right now?”. public punishment, particularly harsh or physical punishment robs a child of their dignity and that humiliation takes from the point of the punishment. again, my opinion.

    i think you did the right thing.

    • Thank you! I suddenly don’t feel so nuts. I can understand the thinking behind “I don’t want to spank my kids” my biggest issue is the “my way is right” mentality. I mean even when someone asks me for advice I always present it as “this is what I have tried and has worked for me”. And I always encourage trying several things until you find what works best. I just absolutely can’t imagine imposing my personal feelings about things on anyone.

      Speaking of spankings…I never got spanked. I got my ass BEAT! Spoons, belts, slippers, bare assed…I got it all lol. I couldn’t do it myself.

  2. You know what I agree totally with you. Good for you getting out of that group, sounds like it was a disaster in the making. I think I will even start paying more attention now when I am out, keep an eye out for frustrated mommas who could use a breather. Once I saw a mom with two young ones at a mall food court, I was there with my lil one and she was having a real issues getting her kids to stay at the table so they could eat, she looked so ragged and frustrated, close to tears even! I walked over and asked if I could sit there, she said sure whatever, I managed to wrestle her littlest into the high chair and strap that wiggler in! lol and asked the other two to practice their manners like we were at a fancy dinner. They ate like little princesses, and the mom looked so grateful, not only coz her kids were actually sitting still and eating, but that she got to have some adult conversation and eat her meal while it was still hot. I just feel bad, because that is the only time I took action…most times I just give them a aww poor you look, and move on. *face palm* This kinda made me remember that, also remember what it was like for me trying to raise my hyper little one all by myself. So thanks for the re-eye opener.

    • Thanks for the sweet comment. I can honestly say I haven’t lent support to that many moms out there. I try to…my biggest problem is when I am out and about I am usually on a mission and only really focus on my mission lol. But I have smiled at the mom who is at wits end with their 3 yo screaming and kicking on the floor because she had the audacity to say no. And I have tried to help those moms who want to breastfeed their baby and aren’t doing well with it, I wasn’t a breastfeeder but I can at least try to help her find help. And this experience has caused me to pay more attention and try to help that tired, struggling mom out. Maybe we can start a trend? lol.

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