At Peace With Yourself Equals Success.

I know that I have had alot of stuff going on in my life recently that has made things….difficult. As I sat at my office desk thinking about a conversation I had last night (while drinking margaritas lol) I had an epiphany-like moment that I felt the need to share. Don’t worry, it’s something positive!

The conversation actually was about a mutual friend of the people involved in said conversation. And this morning I found myself looking back over the years. I mean wayyy back. All the way back to high school. When I was sixteen the NSA (National Security Agency) came knocking on my door. I was a bit of a computer whiz-kid and one of my teachers had let them know about me and two other students who were whiz’s. However, I had a bad grade average. All I had to do was get up to C level and I could intern. They even offered me a job once I graduated with full benefits and a college scholarship at any point in time that I wanted to go to college. I didn’t take it. I was not at peace with myself and was drowning everything into my drug addiction. Shortly after they came knocking, I stopped going to school. They scared me. They offered me something out of my comfort zone….success.

Through the years I worked fast food joints and clothing stores. I am not trying to knock those jobs, people do what they got to do and those jobs paid the bills. I considered myself at the time successful because I was taking care of myself without a drug addiction. But I lacked something, comfort with me. I didn’t feel successful no matter how much I bullshitted about it. I started going to the Catholic church. Ahhh, thought I found something there. It certainly appealed to me, but I now know what it was that appealed (the ritualism). And in time I left that behind simply because it wasn’t right. I popped out a couple of kids and still….didn’t feel quite right. I don’t think i am a bad horrible mom and I love my kids dearly, but motherhood has yet to be something that I devoured every bit of my being into. I cannot relate to the moms who spend all day researching the best car seat or spend weeks on end researching vaccines and if they are worth it. I don’t knock those women…it’s just not me. I don’t mean to sound that I just shove my kids into any car seat or shoot them up with every vaccine either lol. I just don’t dive into it with a gusto that I see other moms possess. I continued to move through time still not sure who I was, what I needed to be doing with myself.

At some point I was asked to work part time in my husband’s family accounting practice. Not doing actual accounting work, just some administrative stuff.  I started picking up on some things, asking questions. I felt drawn to it (back to that nerdy stuff again lol). I was then asked to do some data entry, learned how to use Quickbooks. Next thing I know I am taking classes and really learning this stuff. It hit something within me. I don’t know how to describe it other than to say it was right. And here I am…in a career. I can actually say I have a career, not just a job. I am not sure at what moment that I decided it was my career but it is and I love it. During all of this it seemed like peices were falling into place. I began reading up on spirituality of all kinds and really just went with gut instinct. I had always been a bit obsessed with Ancient Egypt and I began there and most recently, ended up there again. I figured out where I needed to be a few years ago and totally went with it, not holding back. And now, I am in a new direction to fit my spiritual needs and I am ok with it.

So here I am. Comfortable with me. Realizing that I am a work-a-holic. I am someone who has so many different facets to me that I need to have my hand in various things. I am a wife and a mother. I am an accountant. I am someone who has friends and a husband who don’t drag her down but allow her to be herself and support her (took me long enough!). My most recent new projects….I am a paranormal investigator (ok that isn’t so new but I am putting it in here anyway). I am writing articles about the paranormal for an online pagan magazine. I have gotten in touch with my psychic abilities and I am learning to hone those abilities. I  am studying my new path (Tameran Wicca). A couple weeks ago, I was asked if I would be Treasurer for Spiral Scouts International. And as of last night, I was asked about being a part of a business venture involving psychic readings for the public.

I was sitting here this morning thinking…how did I become so in demand? I don’t mean this in an egotistical sort of way, but if it comes across that way it’s ok. I think I deserve a few egotistical moments here and there. But really, I suddenly feel like I have more demands for my time. People see me as a valuable commodity for whatever venture they are involved in. I had no idea that this would ever happen to me and I couldn’t help but wonder what happened over the years. And it dawned on me. I am at peace. I know who I am and I make no excuses for it. I am not perfect but I always make an effort to own up to my faults. What drives me, I work for. I put so much effort in what it is that makes me me that it surely must reflect to others that I am important in my own way.

So back to this individual we were discussing. He is lost. He has no idea who he is and it makes me sad for him. So I am putting this out to anyone who is maybe lost and just moving through the motions on a day to day basis. It’s ok, I think I can safely say that everyone has been through this point in our lives. Whatever it is in your life that is bringing you down, change it. It’s not easy and it will take alot of time and work…but it’s better to change it and be comfortable in your skin. Once you are comfortable, it exudes in your attitude. Once you are comfortable, you can deal with change much easier. Once you are comfortable you become so much more valuable to yourself and to others.

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~ by alegna75 on June 4, 2009.

 
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