Cheaters Never Win

Well as long as they keep on cheating.

Since my post earlier today my texts and phone have just gone haywire. More drama ensued. And since I can’t seem to get certain people to understand my position on cheating while in a relationship, hubs thought it would be best to just put it out there….right here.

Most sane adults are against cheating. However, alot of them do it. I have very specific reasons for it. Not just the typical…it’s disrespectful, it hurts people, blah blah blah. No….I was once a cheater.

Many years ago when I was young, dumb, and full of drugs…I endured alot. Some of it I brought on myself, some of it was necessary. I dealt with sexual/emotional/physical abuse. I have a bad relationship with my mother and as a result, I tend to stay away from women. I tend to be quite masculine in my thinking, but hubby is quick to point out that I can use woman-like conniving ways to get what I want. And I admit…I can be quite the conniving bitch when I want to get my way.

Around the time I had met my husband I had stayed out of relationships for about 4 years. I thought it was necessary. Shortly after we started dating, I cheated. Why? Because I felt like it. Simple as that. It wasn’t that I even thought about how it would affect hubby. I was out partying with some friends, cute guy made it clear he wanted to have fun, so I did. I discovered quickly that I preferred one-night stands to relationships. Over the course of 9 years Kyle & I broke up, got back together, broke up and so on and so on.

Before I had our son (we still weren’t married) Kyle thought we should have an open relationship. He thought it would make me happy. I took advantage of it. I surrounded myself with “friends” who helped me meet guys. Same friends felt I shouldn’t share my escapades but I always was honest with Kyle. I had no idea how he felt about it. After awhile I pushed the envelope and secretly wished he would order me to stop. I knew I needed someone to kick my ass because the whole ordeal became addictive for me. He thought he was giving me what i wanted although he hated it.

One day we talked about marriage. It was then that I told him the relationship would have to be closed….just me and him. It was then that a swarm of emotions came out. HE had always been cheated on and expected it. I was reacting to ignoring certain issues from my past.  Since then, I have never cheated. I have checked some guys out, maybe made a crude comment or two. But never have I cheated and anything I have thought or said out loud I have told Kyle. Simply because I wouldn’t want him to hear it second hand. It would hurt me for him to be hurt by me again. I have always loved him and appreciate his patience with me. I am very glad that he finally broke down and talked about his own issues regarding cheating.

Recently I found myself around someone whom apparently felt cheating was ok. Because of my feelings on my marriage vows I am careful to never put myself in a position to cheat. And I felt that I was put in a position to watch others ….maybe cheat. Let’s be clear, no cheating ever happened. But someone was trying. And I hated watching it. I hated myself more for allowing myself to watch it. I know what the effects of cheating is….I can’t sit by and not say anything.

Anyhow, just needed to get that out. If anyone else gets pissy with me over the whole issue…oh well. I have found out who my real friends are. And I am glad I did, because real friends are what keep you sane.

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~ by alegna75 on March 16, 2009.

 
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