You know, I don’t know if I have ever actually said it out loud here in my blog world….but I am a goth. When I tell people that in real life many are confused because I don’t look like a goth. I always giggle at that. I do look like a goth, just not like a goth you may see glammed up for attention.
I didn’t self identify as a goth until around 10 years ago, until then I thought goths wore tons of black leather (I don’t own any real leather), died their hair, wore lots of black and white makeup..etc etc. But in reality goths are people who have a love for all things dark. This is definetly me. I try to wear pastel color clothes, it usually only lasts a few weeks. So almost all of my clothes are a dark color. Black, red, blues, purples. My makeup I keep low key when I wear it. Only when I go to a Halloween bash or a specific gothy event do I go hog wild and dress like a “real” goth. I have a “thing” about death. I find it alluring. Not in a suicidal way. Just more of an educational, “it’s fascinating” sort of way. I LOVE horror, Tim Burton movies (it appears to be law that all goths love Tim Burton to near-god status….but please correct me if I am wrong on that assumption), zombies, vampires, serial killers…..all things involving death.
Goths also tend to be very etheral. I can mix in with a hippy crowd no problemo. We don’t solely stick to goths. Me personally, I have some of the most un-gothy friends imaginable lol.
Anyway, why bring this up? Because at times I am surprised at the reaction by people even though I am not in full blow goth dress. It’s a Saturday, I tend to dress in jeans and whatever clean black pirate t-shirt I can find (my most favorite of all t-shirts!). No black nail polish on today…I might later. Been having the urge to wear some. Anyhow, I had to take Molly to her Physics class at the university (yea if you don’t know what I am talking about with that…your a newbie to this blog LOL). Molly is gothy like me, she even tells people she is gothy. I don’t know that she really knows what it means but that is ok….I can see it. Anyhow, she is in her jeans…grey hannah montana t-shirt and her black leather jacket with leopard print fur lining (the child LOVES leopard prints). I find a help desk to see where I take her because I don’t go to this college and I am lost. The entire 5 minute conversation with the woman consists of her looking me up and down repeatedly and then wrinkling her nose as if rotted meat was just shoved in her face. I started trying to think of all the questions I could think to ask because I could see that my presence bothered her. I think I was having way too much fun with this.
What amuses me most, if she walked into our office at any given day of the week and saw me in my dress pants and shirts (all of which are dark) she probably wouldn’t think twice about it. LOL maybe I should drop off a business card when I go pick Molly up…hahahahaha that would be awesome.
Anyway, I won’t diss the lady too much. Judging each other by appearance is very wrong but we all do it. Our appearance does make first impression. I think I do a good job keeping my tattoo’s covered and gothiness to a minimum in our office. But come weekend I am going to be comfortable. If anyone judge’s me for it….well not much I can do about it. I just hope that the next time I see someone that is dressed overly girly (I automatically think high maintenance snobby bitch) or raggedy hair and sweatpants in the grocery store (I always think trailer trash) I will take a moment and stop those mean thoughts. For all I know FROO FROO girl just had a major makeover after losing 100 lbs and is happy to look so pretty or Mrs. Raggedy has a newborn with colic at home.
All of this reminds me of a commercial, well PSA really, a few years ago. Kid was dressed goth-ultra, probably around 15 or 16 years old. Was going out for the night, gave mom and dad the play by play of what the plans were. Over the course of the commercial you discover the kid is Straight- A student and has never been in trouble. The underlying message, the kid might look like a freak but it doesn’t mean he is into drugs/alcohol/armed robbery. Sure the kid is going to find it hard to get into a high-power company looking that way…but he can learn to tone it down for the working world and enjoy himself on his own time. It’s a pretty easy balancing act if you ask me.