Are You A Sexual Prude?

Prudenoun

a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.

Origin:
1695–1705; < F prude a prude (n.), prudish (adj.), short for prudefemme, OF prodefeme worthy or respectable woman.

Interesting. So now think about it, are you a prude? I am fairly modest in dress, mostly because I don’t find my belly fat that attractive. I have nice legs so when the mood strikes me, I show them off. Not necessarily in daisy dukes, maybe in a skirt above the knee type ordeal. I talk about sex ALOT. Really, I can make absolutely anything sexual. My sex life is somewhat healthy. I am 100% positive that my husband would disagree lol. But considering that I can indulge at any time that I want (with hubby of course!) I have no reason to complain. So far I don’t sound like a prude. But wait, I might be an in-the-closet prude. I personally hate to see two people sucking each others tongues down their throat. I don’t mind seeing affection and PDA but when it borders the line of being a clothes-on porno I start to get grossed out. I am not offended by porn shown in the privacy of the home (with young eyes in bed AND asleep), seeing hookers on the street, sexually oriented magazines or strip clubs.

There is a major epidemic in the United States. We are sexual prudes. In other countries it is common for billboards and tv to use nudity. When I was an infant we lived in Germany and almost all ads used nudity (we were stationed from 1975-1978 in Frankfurt). Imagine what would happen if a local jewelry store or restaurant put up a billboard of a fully naked man/woman on their billboard here in the US. We can’t handle Janet Jackson’s nipples on the tv screen let alone a nude billboard! People are offended at breastfeeding. And people get kicked off a plane because their clothes are too short (although I kinda have to agree with that. I don’t want to see anyone’s underwear or vagina as they attempt to sit down). Why is it that we have all of this “opression”?

I could argue that it does lie with our Puritan roots. The Puritans were pretty well known for saying that sex was strictly for reproduction and only performed missionary style. I personally doubt that all Puritans held fast to that rule. But regardless I think it was ingrained in us for a very long time. Sadly, it is time that we let go of that thinking. I don’t know that everyone dressing like a hooker and flocking to the nearest strip club is going to be the answer. But I do think we need to stop being so concerned with our bodies. Children go to museums and giggle because they see statues and paintings of naked people. This is only because they have been taught that the body isn’t to be naked. And I don’t mean that we should suddenly become a nudist society, but let’s start embracing ourselves in a healthy manner.

When my children were discovering their body parts one of the things I could not stand was to use cute names like wee-wee or coochie. No, my kids learned the proper terminology of their body parts. It amazes me that so many people are offended by that. Is there something wrong with saying Vagina or Penis? No…it’s a freaking body part. Just like an arm or a leg or an ear. And that is where the beginnings of our “opression” starts. Kids are amazingly wise and although they won’t sit in therapy at the age of 6 saying “My mother forced me to call my penis Mr Winky and now I can’t stop naming my body parts…..” they do pickup from our cues and language (including body language) what we think is appropriate or not.

My 9 year old and I have begun discussing sex. Some people are bothered by this. Obviously, I am not. For starters I want us to form this bond where she knows she can come and talk to me about things. Education has been and always will be the key. People say that kids learn about sex too young, I say I am teaching my children about life. They see things everyday whether it’s on tv or out in society. Do I ignore the issue and let her “learn” from her peers? Hell no! And before anyone starts forming their comment about sexual discussions being too adult, you can have discussions that are appropriate to your child. You have to know your child and know how much to answer. I don’t have to go into great detail…and trust me if she wants to know she just flat out asks.

This brings me to…..sex education. It is VERY apparent that abstinence education is simply not working. Anyone who has a child as young as 1 years old can tell you what happens when you say to a child “Don’t do it”. Yea, they totally do it. It’s natural, it’s human nature, it’s how a child learns. If my kids never tempted fate (and I don’t mean run out in front of cars or a speeding train)I would seriously worry. And as they grow older, a veteran mom can tell you that they start to figure out what is too dangerous to tempt and what isn’t. One of my favorite arguments to hear against teaching children about sex, condoms, birth control, etc etc is that it tells kids that it’s ok to have sex. I have even heard this argument for a reason to not vaccinate their child for HPV. If you are teaching your kids about these important things and doing it to where they think that it’s ok to have sex….your doing something totally wrong. And seriously, it takes just one time for a “mistake” to happen. I would much rather equip my children with knowledge that could save their life.

I can understand how any parent wants to put their kids in a little bubble and save them from the nastiness of our world. I grapple with this alot. I did not enjoy having to talk to a 4 year old girl about sex movies that she heard about in daycare or explain to any one of mine why someone would murder their own child. But it’s life. We can’t hide it from them. We need to be open and honest and let them learn from it.

So….I don’t know if I concluded anything but interjected my own opinions. I can’t even conclude if I am guilty of being a prude. I have always considered myself conservatively liberal (or liberally conservative) so I guess I could say that I am on middle ground with sexuality.

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~ by alegna75 on February 24, 2009.

4 Responses to “Are You A Sexual Prude?”

  1. I’m not ignoring this I promise. Keep meaning to come reply and between things being crazy and not sure how to word my comment… I just haven’t yet. Give me time lol. Good post though!

  2. Lets see if I can do this justice lol.

    Basically I do not see being a prude and being modest as being the same thing. Obviously you can’t be a prude w/out being modest lol, but not everyone who is modest is a prude.

    We should be comfortable w/ the human body. It isn’t something to giggle at or be embarrassed about. A woman feeding her child is a beautiful thing. A nude statue is a piece of artwork. The problem is when it gets twisted… when it gets used to sell things and is portrayed so sexually in public places (which lets face it, happens even here). It doesn’t do anything to make the idea more acceptable, but does the opposite. Instead of the body being viewed as it should be, it is turned into something dirty. Yes, in other countries they get away with it (I’ve seen it in the Netherlands too) but everything I saw was more like artwork. There really was no comparison. It wasn’t sexualized the way it is here… I can’t say why. I really don’t know, but they do have a more natural view of the body. I won’t complain about that lol… (but still disagree if it’s being used to sell something, not something I saw though).

    I have become a lot more modest as I’ve grown older. When I was a teenager (and in college a bit) I used to dress… with a lot showing lol. I still like some of those clothes (esp bikinis) but am a lot less comfortable wearing them in public. In public or private though I see them as having a time and place. Something I did not grasp when I was younger… Adding to this (and ties into your latest entry) dressing this way does send out signals. I hate to admit it because I fought against the notion so strongly as a kid. My stepmom tried to cram it down my throat lol and I hate that she’s right, but she is.

    As for talking about sex. I have no problem doing that either. There is nothing dirty about sex (or our bodies for that matter). But like the clothing issue there is a time and a place. I have certain friends that I will discuss sexual matters with to an extent. But there is a line between what is ok to talk about w/ others and what falls within the boundaries of marriage. I don’t think that is being prudish, I think it’s respecting my marriage.

    I’m glad I have awhile before I have to deal with any of this w/ my daughter (or future kids). But like any parents we’ve started talking about how we will address it. At a year and a half I’m still trying to figure out what to call body parts lol. I don’t see anything wrong w/ teaching the real word or using a code word. She’s little. Now as she grows up, even if we call it something else, she is going to learn it’s a vagina. I’m not going to let all that be sprung on her in some class lol.

    And like you I’m going to talk to her about sex. Now I happen to disagree w/ on the subject in general though. I think it’s very possible for the abstinence talk to work because I’ve seen it. Not myself mind you (because I never got that talk), but I have seen it work. Now I don’t think that means just saying “sex is dirty, don’t do it” because it’s not and like you said that doesn’t work. I think it’s being honest about what sex is and how it’s meant to be. I think it’s explaining the dangers of having sex too soon, “unprotected”, etc. Connected to that, my girls will learn how their bodies work. We will be sitting down and learning the basics of NFP and charting as soon as they start. Like your birth-control talks, I’m not doing it to say “go ahead and have sex” but so that she knows her body and is prepared when the day comes.

    I do agree that we can’t keep our kids in a bubble. But at the same time, there are somethings they just shouldn’t have to deal with as kids. I will be monitering what they watch (to the extent that I’m able of course) and all that. Granted it will change as they grow up and mature. I can’t set down when because like you said all kids are different.

    Anyways, I don’t think I’m a prude. Call me one if you want, but I don’t think so lol. I know people who wouldn’t kiss until they married (and didn’t although neither of them are prudish either oddly enough so bad example). I know people who are embarrassed about anything sex related, who think french kissing is dirty. I know people who think breastfeeding is something dirty, who think the body is something dirty. That is prudish. Me I’m modest… or trying to be. It can be a struggle lol.

    And btw.. sorry if I’m all over the place. I had a feeling I would be, is why it took me so long to write this!

  3. You know, I totally agreed with alot of what you said. I admit, I dressed like a major slut when I was younger and have grown to enjoy covering myself in my old age. And I agree that modesty and prudish-ness isn’t the same, I do think there is a fine line though. And what one thinks is prudish behavior someone else may call modesty…so some of it is a subjective matter.

    I have never quite understood why in other countries it isn’t sexualized the way it is here. I can’t help but revert to the “janet” incident. I couldn’t beleive how many people I worked with at the time totally up in arms that their ten year old might have seen nipple. And that is where I think it becomes somewhat sexualized. I don’t think someone means to do it, but it’s like reverse psychology…suddenly the exact opposite of what they wanted to convey is the opposite. Sure her boob shouldn’t have been hanging out (and I personally don’t know if it was accident or not) but if you make a big deal out of it kids pick up on that.

    On the issue of abstinence…I have to clarify that I think that teaching kids to wait is wonderful. I just struggle with abstinence being the ONLY thing taught, that to me doesn’t work. I swear what I am about to say is true…and I will not use names. I know a woman (same age as my younger sis) and I have known her since she was born. Her parents refused to let her know ANYTHING about sex. Well the child engaged in “hands on” fun with her boyfriend when she was 16. Her menstrual cycle was late and called me crying because she thought that she was pregnant. I know…I know….extreme situation. But i had to explain things to her to calm her down, she literally had no idea. Can you imagine what would have happened had she gone further? She had thought about it and I don’t doubt that had I not talked to her she would have. So I guess that I have always carried that with me and get fearful of children in that same situation. So uhm without going all over the place (LOL) I have to say that I do agree with abstinence being taught, just not on it’s complete own.

  4. LOL something similar happened w/ my grandmother! Her mom refused to talk about sex and one of her “friends” told her that kissing got ya pg… One night at a family dance some boy cornered her and kissed her on the lips and my grandmother ran away crying that she didn’t want a baby! Hid herself in a closet and everything… and she wasn’t a little kid either. Is the example I use of why not talking to your kids about sex is a really bad thing lol.

    I’m sure I will have to deal with the whole other forms of birth control thing, but will be doing it in a different way than you. I don’t believe in them period. Main reason they’re against my religion…but also between the way they work and the health risks there’s no way I would advocate that to anyone let alone my children. Like I said, I’ll be teaching my girls about their bodies and charting… (even when you’re not having sex, a late period as a teen not knowing what is going on is not fun… I remember that) and if they decide to use some other form of birth control eventually they’ll at least know all the information before they do.

    As for the nipple incident. I still remember a friends jaw dropping open when it happened. I thought it was funny honestly… if it was intentional I don’t know how “right” it was, but… yeah. I had less issues w/ that than a dress I saw someone wearing in a picture the other day where the top literally showed off one of hers (different celeb).

    Good point about the line between the two being subjective… after I wrote the other day I was thinking about how those I think of as being somewhat prudish may just see themselves as modest in the same way I see myself.

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