So Proud And Yet At A Loss

I have 3 children and my middle daughter is your typical middle child. She is always one step behind her older sister and not babied like her brother. I try so hard to find things that are hers and hers alone. But I find myself struggling with balancing fair time with all the kids.

My girls have been in a daycamp at the local pool. Recently they had their end of the year celebration. I didn’t attend as I was having my tummy issues (see my post about my adventures with laxatives!). Hubby called me as soon as they got to the car after it was over. Our middle child had won an award for Citizenship. She was the ONLY child to receive it from her daycamp, the directors chose one kid from each location (these are camps at various pools spread out through the city…north, east, south, and west). She was ecstatic. And amidst her happiness, her oldest sister was very unhappy. So I had a happy kid and the other one yelling at her to stop “bragging”. I guess it didn’t help that I looked at my oldest and instructed her to “get over it” and then smile at my middle girl and say “brag on sista”. In that moment, I didn’t know what to do or say. Maybe I was wrong, but why shouldn’t she have a few moments to shine? Big sis started pulling this jealousy stuff within minutes of mid sis receiving it.

I did end up having a conversation with the oldest. And honestly it felt like I was talking to a wall. I was the oldest, so I know what she is thinking….she should be the one who does everything first. You should have seen the look on her face when I said “Claire is going to do things before you in addition to things you won’t do, you need to figure out how to be ok with that and be happy for her”. I don’t know what to do. I push all my kids academically, even the boy…we have already started working on recognizing letters and their sounds with him and he is 3! I was not challenged or pushed academically. I don’t think I am mean about it, I have always told them that there would be things they wouldn’t be good at and that is ok but they have to at least try. Maybe I did something wrong somewhere. The oldest usually gets 3-4 awards for academic success and is on the geek squad at school. Mid daughter is usually just behind her getting 2-3 awards but has not made it to geek squad, we don’t think computers are her thing and thats fine..I don’t knock her for it at all. Both of them read 2 grade levels above the current one they are in. The oldest is also a grade level ahead in math. I am not mentioning this to brag (but I am proud!) but maybe I shouldn’t have pushed so much? I mean its great and all but maybe I have created two over acheivers who don’t understand that they need to fail at times. For that matter, IF I have messed up what the hell will the boy be like?? BLAHHHHHHH, would someone please get that parents handbook written already!!!!


~ by alegna75 on August 9, 2008.

2 Responses to “So Proud And Yet At A Loss”

  1. I also have 3 beans and can relate to what your going through..
    Sounds like you have done a fab job with your children and ya know what else? I say BRAG on sista! I have one that is “on level” one that is “advanced” and one that is “labled LD” so you be proud of giving them a reason to always strive…

  2. Oh, geez, do I know of which you talk! I have a kid who’s average, a kid who’s in the gifted class, and a kid with autism who has special ed.

    Thankfully the oldest is the average kid, and is many years older than the other two, so he doesn’t get too upset about anything. The other two bicker back and forth because one gets awards for grades, and the other gets awards for “simple” things. Both are jealous of each other in some way or another.

    I think it just goes with having kids. There is always going to be some sibling rivalry, no matter how we raise them.

    I think you must be doing pretty darn well if they are doing so great and be awarded for citizenship!

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