Exercise and Ramblings
So we are obviously home from our weekend trip to Maryland. I couldn’t get home fast enough! Prepare for the ramblings portion of this post. I am going on that dreaded topic….my mother. I am almost to the point of calling her my egg donor since I just don’t ever feel like she was a mother. We witnessed her in full form. The way I remember her as a child. She isn’t like this often in front of my hubby or for that matter in front of anyone but my sis, dad and myself. Perhaps she is getting comfy enough with her two son-in-laws to show her true self, hard to say. In a small way, I am very glad she showed her true colors. Now I can at least say, “I am certifiably nuts but she really is a bitch! Just ask my hubby!”. It was so bad that I have no desire to take the kids to them for at least 2 years. That’s where my major predicament is, my father is an EXCELLENT grandfather. Yea he spoils them, he also tells them no (not like he needs to much…mostly just with the boy). He plays with them, he talks to them. Ma sits in a chair and talks at them. My parents are not in great shape, but he got up and played frisbee with them. Ma sits in a chair and talks at them some more. We had gone to a park on Saturday, family gathering for a cookout, swimming, and supposed fun. It’s no fun listening to the woman bitch about the hispanics at a picnic area nearby listening to music and having a family gathering themselves. Gawd forbid people enjoy themselves around her. Guess no one got that bulletin that even though they paid to get in, are in a public place, that they are to be sure to be quiet and not seen lest they upset my mother. It’s no fun watching her head spin because the boy (our son, lol he is cute but can be such a terror at times so we call him “the boy” instead of little shit since he started calling himself that) picked up the tongs and touched the ground for a millisecond. How dare my father not spend every moment watching the boy while he is getting food ready for us while my mother sits in a chair. How dare he force my mother to eat dirt on her hamburger (yes she actually said she didn’t want to eat dirt on her hamburger)! Was the boy wrong? Sure! Was my father to blame? NO! But wait, this is what she wants in life…a whipping boy, my father. He is to blame for EVERYTHING! How about this hypocritical tidbit. I am cutting an onion for my mother. She is busy fighting with my dad cause he has the audacity to not do something the way she wants it done (FYI no one has ever done anything right according to her, she is the know-all and end-all authority on everything). As she is walking to the table she is muttering fairly loudly that he is an idiot. Great! Just what I want my kids to experience. YAY!! I got to hear my entire life how, not only was I EXACTLY like my father, but that my father was a peice of shit that was completely idiotic and clueless without her….now my kids get to hear it too! But wait…it gets better. My hubby comes over and I ask him if he is going to shower. He says yes. I say good, you stink and smile at him. I joke with my hubby and don’t mean any harm with it. If i overstep my boundaries he will tell me. My mother actually looks at me and tells me I am rude. I just said he stunk, its not like I called him an IDIOT! You can cure a stench…not idiocy. Oh and I have another lovely tidbit. Its around 11pm on sat night. Molly (our oldest), hubby,my father and myself are playing monopoly. My mother had turned up the tv earlier cause she couldn’t hear. She proceeded to fall asleep, the other 2 kids were passed out and a commercial came on blaring like a rock concert. I told my daughter to get theremote and we turned it down. Next thing we know, bitchy woman wakes up yelling at my dad about him turning the tv down (even though I initiated it all). Seriously folks, I cannot make this shit up! I spent alot of time observing and I will tell you right now, I vow to never be sitting my fat ass in a chair blaming my adoring hubby for every single thing that occurs.
Now for the exercise portion of the post. My parents are not small people. Weight has been an issue for my mom all my life, my father didn’t have the issue til later in his life. He was a skinny minny when he was younger. I for that matter am not small. I recently hit 200 on the scale. I stand at 5’9″ so I don’t look grossly obese or anything. However, I watched a woman who had rotary cuff surgery over a month ago sit in a chair most of the time and did nothing but bitch, eat, and watch tv. Yea she did get up to go to the store and she did get into the river at the park for a quick swim. I looked at her and omg, I can’t do that to myself. She has 20 some odd prescriptions in her medicine cabinet and takes insulin.She does not eat healthy. I can’t let myself do that. She is killing herself, bitching along the way, and pretty much making everyone wish she would just pass on. Yea ok maybe that was harsh but dammit its the freaking truth and I am not holding back here. So I was going to start couch to 5k and the hundred pushup challenge today. Unfortunatley my stomach hurts really freaking bad. We think it might be the stress from being around my mom. I had indigestion all weekend and my stomach started hurting on Saturday. So I have been careful about food choices today and as soon as my tummy is feeling normal I will start those two programs. In addition to the step aerobics class I am taking, I will have 2 days a week where I am not exercising.
I just went back and read through everything I typed. I feel alot better. I don’t have to hold all this in and pretend like everything is ok. Maybe people will think that I am a horrid daughter for saying what I said and being “nitpicky”. But those people don’t get it. I can’t look at my daughters (or son for that matter)and ask them if they have shit for brains. I can’t go on and on and put my children down and tell them that they will never amount to anything. I can’t play the guilt trips to them about how I never buy anything for me because I put them first. yea, I don’t have anything because i provide for my kids. But its not something to bitch about to them. I am responsible for their care and will do everything i can to take care of them and NEVER make them feel bad for existing.
Here is to me ending the cycle now and not being like my mother!