What I Learned In Aerobics Class
1. If the instructor tells you that the music is slower, he/she lies. It’s just a ruse to make you feel more comfy about flinging your fat ass over a step mahjiggy. I am fairly certain the music is more upbeat than usual.
2. When you arrive and your the only one, RUN. The instructor won’t cut you any slack no matter how much you beg for the EMT’s.
3. Always half ass it from the beginning. Don’t try to fool yourself into thinking that today is the day you will be able to go through the entire hour long routine at the same pace as the instructor. It’s not happening.
4. NEVER eat anything fried on the day of aerobics. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, you won’t need to fart until your flat on your back doing crunches with your legs straight up in the air. It’s perfect aim for the poor woman who choose to exercise near you.
5. Know your geometry well, you will be able to position yourself in a way that you won’t at any time be staring at someone’s ass and wondering if they too ate anything fried….or worse yet, Taco Bell.
** just an FYI, I have really enjoyed my aerobics class. But I couldn’t help but prewrite this blog from the beginning when (a) I was the only one for a few minutes (b) she told us the music was slower and I swear it was not (c) and I really wanted to pass gas and I had my own mini workout keeping it in. **