Adventures in Step Aerobics
**Disclaimer: this is wrote in my typical sarcasic manner. The ladies were all very nice and this is not meant to diss them in any way**
This fat chick has been in desperate need of motivation here lately. However gym memberships are just outta control! Recently someone emailed me and told me about this very cheap step aerobics class. It’s at a rec center, $2 per class, meets every Monday and Wednesday.HMMM I think, I can handle that. I have even done some step aerobics in the past, granted it was on the tv. So I decide, ok I willdo it. I arrive, about15 min early. I have this need to scope people out, plus I wanted to see if there were some other cheapy classes….no such luck. In walks the instructor. Blonde skinny thing. Somehow I see her and just know, I am not going to be able to keep up. Maybe I can slip away to my car and get outta there. Dam, here she comes all smiles. So I plaster my best smile and say hi, do the intros and what not. Other people arrive, thankfully some are as plump as I. People start setting up the step thingamajig. So I do like everyone else, except I decide I will be wayyyyy in the back. On comes the hyper music and out comes that extremely happy voice, the kind that makes you want to claw her face off and shove her arms down her throat. Why did she have to be so dang nice? 10 min into the workout, I can’t breathe. WTH is going on?? This is not like the tv!! Where is my commercial break to sit down and rest my behind?? I have to do this for a WHOLE HOUR???? 20 min into the workout I get dizzy. Ok take a break. I didn’t eat in 6 hours so that was my own dam fault. I sit out until my lungs aren’t burning and I can breathe without sounding like a wheezing asthmatic. That took 5 minutes. Dam I now have 35 min left in this workout. So I get back into it. Now we are doing some karate kicks or something. A woman 2 rows up on my left, probably in her 50’s is kicking like a professional. I can barely get my leg up 3 inches. But dangit I won’t quit! Now here comes these hops that launch us across our stepthingy and jumping jacks. A woman one row up and to the right of me is struggling, I want to hug her in gratitude. I start looking around. Lady to my left has no rhythym. I thought I was the only one!!!!! Ok take another water break. More ladies stop and drink also…YES! We all stare in amazement at Skinny Blonde who seems to have the same endless energy my 2 year old has. I walk over and start half heartedly moving. Thats my sole goal at this point. Just have some body part moving. I am sweating so bad I am afraid that I am splashing another Skinny One in front of me. She hasn’t broken sweat or turned red yet. I don’t like her much. I suddenly envision me in a really bad Will Ferrell Movie (aren’t they all bad?) where my sweat bullets drown the skinny people. I hear Mrs. Chipper (aka Sinny Blonde) yelling “Keep those knees up!!” If I keep my knees up I might actually lift my foot off the floor. At this point that would probably cause a muscle to snap. But I plug on. FINALLY, she turns off the music…yay I am HOME FREE!! Wrong. Now I have to actually “cool down”. I didn’t think cool downs were supposed to cause more sweat, but I sure did. Then she has us doing lunges across the room. I make it halfway and decide that I like my knees to much to attempt it anymore. Then we do some yoga/pilates moves. THANK GAWD! Something I can handle! Then we are done. I can leave. I do. I will be back next Wednesday.